Oh, God
by a lil bit obsessed
Summary: Each member of the Avengers walks in on Clint and Natasha going at it. Clintasha. First fic! T for swearing and implied sexual content.
1. The Staircase

**Chapter One**

Steve Rogers was rarely forgetful; this was partly because of the serum and partly because Captain America didn't forget things. But what Steve had walked in on that day he would have gladly forgotten.

"Oh my _GOD_!" Had Steve been less conscious of what lay sprawled in front of him, he would have been embarrassed at how easily his voice cracked. Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff, his _teammates_, were entangled, _naked_, on the _staircase_.

Clint was fucking Nat on the staircase.

Oh God.

He had _walked_ on those.

Clint turned while Natasha snapped her head forward to glare at Steve, whose entire face had burst into a flaming red. His teammate's _bum_ was on full display, and the sudden movement of them landing on the staircase brought Steve's attention back to Natasha, who advanced towards him, deadly and completely in the nude.

"Listen, Rogers," she hissed as he averted his eyes, anywhere but to her chest or, God forbid, Clint's crotch, "if you utter a single word of this, I will personally make that you go back into the ice and, this time, no one will find you." Steve nodded mutely, his blush creeping down to his neck. Natasha didn't relax, and she barked, "Out!" Steve was only too happy to comply.

As he fled the scene, biting his lower lip, he heard Clint exclaim, "You don't want people to know about us?!"


	2. The Kitchen

**Chapter Two - Bruce**

Dr Bruce Banner liked tea. A lot. Just about as much Thor liked Pop Tarts.

_Well, no one can love anything more than Thor love Pop Tarts_, Bruce amended in his head as he shuffled around the large kitchen.

He froze when he heard something crash somewhere behind him. He tensed, and the sound of moaning – moaning! - joined the obviously unsteady footsteps. Bruce sighed. If it was Thor and Jane again, he was just going to never step foot in the kitchen again. He settled for ignoring the sounds as he prepared his tea; heating the water, getting the milk, shaking the sugar sachets…the ritual calmed him and helped him drown out the increasingly loud noises. Finally, something burst through the doors, startling Bruce.

Bruce exhaled quietly in defeat, closing his eyes, knowing he'd have to stop the Norse god and Dr Foster from embarrassing themselves further, though, knowing Thor, he wouldn't be shamed at all.

"Guys," he murmured, turning away from the corner to face them, "you can't just – Oh, God." What stood in front of Bruce were two entwined, half-naked, super spies.

"Na-Natasha, Clint, you –" The shock was enough for the Other Guy to whine in surprise at the back of Bruce's head.

Clint tore his mouth away from Natasha's to say four curt words: "Shut the fuck up, Bruce." He smashed his face back onto hers, and Bruce stood, astounded, for a minute. He shook his head like a dog clearing water from its ears, and then (in a very dignified way, Bruce thought, for the circumstances) exited the kitchen.

Outside the kitchen, Bruce bumped into Thor, who beamed brightly at the doctor.

"Ah, my shield brother! How do you fare this fine day? I came to get Pop Tarts!" Noticing his slightly pale complexion, Thor asked worriedly, "Are you okay, Bruce?"

"Uh, yeah. Just – Just don't go in the kitchen, okay?"

Right on cue, perhaps on purpose, Natasha groaned. Instead of deterring him, the god was only distressed.

"The Widow in Black! Is she okay?"

"Um, yeah," Bruce said, repeating himself. "Clint's, uhh, 'taking care of her'." Thor glanced at him, clueless.

"Uh – just, go talk to Dr Foster, Thor."

"Will Jane be able to tell me what is ailing my shield sister?"

"She should know," Bruce murmured under his breath, "you've been doing it to her non-stop." Thor beamed at him and pranced off in search of Jane. Bruce sighed again and took a sip of his tea, nearly cold and untouched. Hopefully those two would be done by the time he needed another cup.

"Natasha – Tasha, I-I have to ask you something."

"Yes?"  
"Will – will you move in with me into the tower?"

"I - WHAT?"

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. He should have expected this. Ah, well, he kept some emergency tea supplies in his lab, even if they weren't very good.


End file.
